Just a quick update. I was feeling really low yesterday afternoon. Uncertain that I would ever get in with the endocrinologist I wanted to see, the one with the best reputation in the city, I had just about given up. I’d just left a tearful message on my friends’ voicemail, I was falling into despair.
Just minutes after letting go, basically giving up in my mind, I got a phone call from the doctor’s secretary. “Are you available on Friday morning?” Hell, yes, I said, thanking the woman profusely and finding it hard to hold my composure. “It’s a miracle”, I think. And yes, it was quite a miracle but also the result of using every possible contact I could to get in with this doc. Knowing a really good med-mal defense attorney didn’t hurt.
I was joyful and relieved but I couldn’t help thinking about all those folks out there who aren’t proactive with their own healthcare; they either don’t have insurance so have no options, don’t have the self-confidence to pursue the matter relentlessly, or don’t even know where to begin. They also may not know somebody that could help, after all, it pays to have connections, even though that seems inherently unjust.
When things get rough I am willing to use my connections. I remember when I was young in my career soon after graduating from college. I was in the same company as my Dad, that’s how I initially got the job, and quite frankly, I hated it. I had to get out of his division to break free. I found out about a job in another division through the grapevine. It was the first time I really put my mind to getting what I wanted, completely on my own. I persevered and was successful. That’s been a continuing theme in my life. I pretty much get what I want (or what I need) if I put my mind to it. I always thought I’m either very lucky, after all, I’m a Sagittarius, or just plain bull-headed.
Some people may not look at my life and think of the word lucky. After all, I grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic family. Despite that, I knew I was loved, however flawed that love may have presented itself. Ultimately, I succumbed to alcoholism as well and spent several years under its wicked spell, wreaking havoc on myself, my family and others. But now I have recovery, and if that isn’t luck and perhaps a miracle, I’m not sure what is.
I also feel pretty darn lucky that if I have cancer, it’s this cancer, thyroid cancer, and it is very treatable. Plus the medical advances have made cancer in general so much more treatable in recent years. So my timing isn’t bad either.
I can choose what attitude I bring to this challenge and I really want to face it with humor and grace. I’m always looking for Grace, that should have been my daughter’s name, then I’d be certain to always find it.
I’m thinking about my girlfriend in Alabama whose been struggling with breast cancer. She’s had years in Al-Anon. She battled her cancer with openness, courage and humour. I can just imagine lying around her in bed after chemo or radiation, laughing about her boob biz. I wish I could be down there with her now. Tomorrow she’s having another reconstructive surgery. And another breast-cancer survivor friend is having a cyst on her ovary removed tomorrow. And it’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow and we’re going to the baseball game. A lot is happening tomorrow and I hope they are all good things. I’m praying.
I’m blithering on now mainly because I’m happy. I’m extremely grateful for all the people in my life. Lots of people who I love and who love me. Now that’s something.